Indecent Circus

A place where I can expose myself.

I wear suit and tie. Every morning wake up gotta be fly, on my game, rising higher than the sky.
It’snot about the money, it’s about the life. I grew up on the streets with pain and strife.
I work hard and play harder. This life is a struggle stumbling around like a toddler. 
I’ll be all I can be and persevere, my path laid before me and my goal couldn’t be more clear.
Watch me float above them all, stagnant, stale, rotting with rust. I’ll get mine, and leave the rest in the dust.

last ode to you.

I wish I didn’t have this bitterness, but the things you did have me so fuckin tense.

Said peace; be gone, went our ways, hell knows we had better days.

I miss what we were but not what you’ve become, we got so toxic, like venom in an oil drum. Watch us rip the other apart like hollow points from a gun.

I said I loved you and I meant that, but you ain’t you. Turned into someone else and ain’t looking back.

Time to let it go, burn it down and douse it with ether. You fuck us up like  a schoolgirl crush for her teacher. 

I wished you well, but you put me through hell, so fuck you, and that wicked spell…. you had me in. What kind of cunt could tear a heart like it was paper thin?

I’m done. I’m gone. I’m movin on.

So take these words, the last of the true. This was and will be my last ode to you.

New rap, not wrote like this in awhile.

I would tear you apart lyrically, dropping verbal notes affecting you spiritually

Spitting that old school beat from the street hits you like friction, gives you a mad addiction like bitches in heat.

I’d give you a sample but your ears can’t handle these sick rhymes, maybe. I drop it like a bomb a thousand times, baby.

Destroying your illusion filled confusion with atomic warheads, armed with that nuclear fission watch as it all comes down. Dissolution.

Mr Gorbachev tear down this wall, leave it rubble or wipe it away it’s your call. War is on the sidelines creeping up on us all.

This order you ask is tall. I’ll fill it with exemplary performance. but the waiter is missing; gone dormant.

I got that lyrical style that opens your eyes, but your mind wider. Best keep me away from your girl; hide her. I am the embodiment of perfection, don’t nobody resist me, no rejection. 

The future ain’t set yet, watch what happens. We live in the present, but days to come are the real gifts; dressed in wrappin’s

I step back drop the mic, shits been real, but you’re still a little tike.

/end

Thoughts pulled from twitter

And as I light up another one I can’t help but fathom it all. Why? How? It’s all chemicals in the brain after all anyway, right? Fuck.

It’s what I tell myself anyway. We’re all chemicals in someones mind. We’re all someones upper or downer. Why does it have to be like that?

Just like this nicotine coursing through my veins, slipping my life away slowly. It’s all someones means to an untimely end.

And then all I can do is speak to you in 140 character increments. Describing things in ways one hopes to think it.

But the science scarcely explains the true magnitude of it. How it really feels. I can paint a picture with my words.

How they make you feel is out of my hands, I can merely guide you to a destination I hope you reach. In the end we are what we are. Dust.

Dust. At the end it’s what we are. We disperse into the wind becoming less than we ever aspired to, hoped to. We float into obscurity.

We drift off into the nothingness of the ethereal. The corporeal we had, wanted and cherished gone. My words are but silence spoken aloud.

Song for a Friend

You’re a special kind of woman, your man is a lucky one.
You’re the kind that should be cherished more than the light from the sun
You got the right kind of kink in your laugh and slyness in your smile
I really enjoy our talks, even if but for for awhile
Keep on your path, you will go far
Dolls like you, you shine brighter than a star.

I need you to be mine. I don’t need much. But every time I do it hurts me in the end. Would you hurt me? Would you patch me up and keep me safe? If you guard my heart, I would protect you from all the evils in this world.

I need you. And I don’t know how to feel about that.

Can we just go back to how it was? 

What we were before.

I am tired of being this. This emptiness inside is killing me.

I am not the Clown I was. I have lost the humor in it all.

I have lost the humor in life.

I gave my heart, she gave me a soul.

Now I am hemorrhaging with these damned emotions.

I need you.

I Wish I Never Met Her

FUCK.

I put everything I could possibly give into this relationship. Into that woman. I gave all I had and more. I tried so hard to hold it together. Where did it break? When did we fall apart? I watch her slip and fall further away, into darkness. I fell to, but I grabbed hold. I pulled back up, she didn’t even know she was falling. I can’t grab her hand as she doesn’t know to reach it out for help. I stand there watching as she falls into the flames. Into eternity. What can I do? I just watch. I watch and cry as what was once mine, what was once so perfect just falls into nothing and breaks into pieces not even the creator would recognize.

How did I let this happen? How did I let it get away from me like this? What did I do wrong? It’s like I violated some cosmic creed being so happy and perfect with her. I should have known the gods would be angry at what we had. I was born to be under their foot and I shunned that life for something better. They took her from me and neglected to even tell her something was wrong. That there was perfection in the air around us. What could we do in the face of gods? What could I do when she was oblivious to the pact I had with them?

I have to step back and let her fall on her own. I have to let her hit the ground for her to realize she was ever falling. I just hope the pieces can be put back at the end of it all. May the gods grant me one favor in all this that she be happy in the end of this all. May she have what she needs and what makes her happy. I pray that the gods grant this one request that those two things be the same. 

I need her. I miss her. She will forever have my heart and soul. I wish she knew that. I wish she knew what that meant. I wish I never met her. For it is all gone now, and it hurts. The gods took what they forbade, and now I wish I hadn’t disobeyed to my agreed darkness.

I wish I never met her.

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